let’s just say that if tomorrow does go according to plan… people will seem full of joy and giving off a presence that is not too commonly seen of me.
but, let’s just say that it doesn’t go according to plan…there will be numerous casualties and just a little bit of hell will be exposed.

dear boyfriend, utahs fate is in your hand.

this whole weekend has royally raped my sleeping schedule.

it’s six thirty in the morning for me. no sleep. and, still wishing for air conditioning.
weekend with the boyfriend went a lot smoother then we both foresaw it.
nonetheless, we hit it off. very well.

i just need to work on my living arrangements and get things going for me.

but, life is good.
actually, life is great.

….going for two jobs.
not really focusing on a love life.
cutting out most of my friends here in utah for the time being.
trying to have no free time.

i just want $$$.
much much $$$.

at the point, where i can’t even talk about myself…i have to have others just say where my life is going or just have people ask specific questions.
pitiful.

i’ve been finding a lot of music lately.
so, fuck you stress. you can just suck my dick some other day.

cedar city should expect teenagers and even people of a older age to be selling drugs or even prostituting to make rent money…the job field is horrible…worse then arkansas.

at the moment, michael. ashley. and i…very broke.
kind of a relaxing thing in my eyes.
i kinda enjoy the experience of having to do things and accommodate each other; being each others moral and mental support blah blah.

nonetheless, we cannot, i mean CANNOT run out of cigarettes.
it’s war.

i went and visited my mother today, for the first time since i’ve been back to utah. i kinda avoided the confrontation really, because i wanted to avoid myself from getting upset; typical human nature, i think so.

it felt uplifting, yet i feel like i left a lot unsaid.
there will be more days…better days.

i’m not letting anything go un-said or un-noticed.

iiiiiiiii ammmm goiiiiiing througgggh wittttthdraaaawls.

i want to take pictures.
scratch that, i want to take pictures that don’t look like mugshots in the end.

every day is getting hotter, but utah having no humidity makes it all not that much to bitch over.

um.
i hope to get a job at a grocery store or a thrift store.
cross fingers.
yup.

i have four days, until i hit a new plateau.
i am a little school girl about.

annoying how optimistic i am being, i need my asshole persona back.

as much as i love to blog, and as much as i have to say, for some reaosn bringing it all into typing it out on this website seems like so much god damn work.

i moved. if you have not noticed.
i love being home, i love how things have changed, i love how i’ve changed.
i’m just a upbeat son of a gun here lately.

trying to not let a thing get me down, like it used to in arkansas. i used to always put everything in front of me, and then put a wall up to protect myself.
in a nutshell, i made my own self sick.

pathetic.

but, here on out, it’s happiness.
we’ll see how long this lasts.

i hope you know, how much you changed me. good or for the bad, it’s any mans opinion. all in all, you made me feel loved but kept me from going overboard.
miss you and love you already.